What a Difference a Day Makes
September 4, 2008 at 3 PM, my body went white-hot from shoulders to hips and I didn’t know whether I was going to faint or vomit. Dr. Gross led me to the examination table and helped me lie down. His nurse brought a cold cloth for my head.
He’d said ‘looks like lymphoma’, and I lost it. I was so unprepared, thinking it was just indigestion.
My husband was fine. He looked at me as though I were nuts. And I felt nuts. And shocked, and thoroughly and completely out of control. There’s ‘flight’ and there’s ‘fight’ and there’s ‘freeze’. I’m ‘freeze’.
But not today. It was all about the heat, shooting from my brain to my bowels which were both very loose. And the tears! I’m not a crier. Never have been. Talk about ‘cry me a river’!
If I was the patient, it would make more sense, I suppose, but the patient is my husband. For thirty-seven years he has been not just my other half, but my three fourths. We have been our own little island, sufficiently entertained by each other to have no need for society.
Just the night before, my cousin said, “I want Greg to be my husband! He’s a keeper!”
He is. He is protective and funny and loving and an excellent cleaner. How can he be sick? I am the strong one and he is the sensitive one. I went through open-heart surgery and was tough as can be. He cried. I didn’t have time to be sick, and even worked on projects the day after surgery.
I don’t even cry at funerals. It is important for me to be in control at all times.
That all changed today.
September 6th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
{{De}} I feel for you!! I lost my Mom on Fathers Day.. sister phoned and said she was gone, in an accident Then July 15th, my husband had a heart attack, and died.. I think I have a clue how you are feeling.. and wanted to send you a ton of hugs, and prayers.. I’ll be thinking and praying for you!
Carol, Edmonton, Alberta.
September 6th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Mom I cannot tell you how impressed i was with you on the phone yesterday. I could not believe how seemingly calm you were and THAT is what set me off. I am so glad to hear that Dad’s doctors think it will be treatable, and the websites seem to practically call it “average”. What can be average about this, I wonder? But I will be there soon and am here for you in whatever way I can be. I Love you. I love Dad. We will get through this.
September 8th, 2008 at 11:32 am
De and Greg, None of us know where our strengths really lie until they are needed for something really, really important. The bonus is that we find out what is really important and it is most often a ‘who’. No, Horton is not coming to visit your mother…focus, De. Isn’t it still amazing that you two found each other and still feel the blessing in it? There are blessing in your strengths, too. Use it to fight those litte suckers! Greg, good luck with your tests today. Donna